That's it!

Did you know? Spotting continues until night.. everytime I wipe my vagina after peeing..

I decided to wear my tampon before go to bed. I felt my vagina was so wet. Right! When I woke up in 4.00 am cause of my bladder, the tampon was so red. Not a lot but not too little.

I suddenly felt my stomach hurts just like it in the monthly period. And my back too.. so what was the very sore breasts? What was the cramps and what was the nauseous?

I deciding to see my doctor tomorrow. To make sure that it's not a miscarriage. And I want to talk about my fertile period and my cycle.

What I feel right now? Actually I feel a lot more like relieved. At least I got the answer. Sad? Absolutely. But it's not the end of the world right? When you don't get what you want. Maybe later.

We still have a lot time to make a baby. And do it for fun!

3.40 pm

I spotted another pinkish discharge when I wipe my v with tissue after peeing. I still curious about what is it actually. Everytime I wake up from bed, in the morning or taking a nap and when I do a sudden movement from sleeping to getting up, I feel my stomach cramps. And it's the second time and I find them.

Is it telling me to slow down everytime I make a move? Or it's just a pending period? O my God I feel terribly stressed out!

Please God I still have faith in it..

Well, for a record, in case I am really pregnant, here is the picture of my belly. A little bloating occurs, cramps checks and a lot to eat! :))

Am I pregnant?

Yesterday, the RED isn't coming.
Well, that giving me a little hope. But it's still a day I missed my period.

This morning when I wake up, I use thermometer to know my body basal temperature and it's normal kind of like decrease. 35.5°C. Before it were between 36.5-37.0°C.

I have a bad feeling about it, so I wake up and stand up going to bathroom, suddenly I feel my stomach hurts like I'm going to have my period. And my back too..

When I wash my vagina with a tissue after peeing, I see a pinkish blood in it. And you know it's like breathtaking and heartbreaking. Okay, I'll have my period. I try it one more time with another tissue, and there's a pinky almost brownie blood. Okay, confirmed that is a period, my heart says.

I started to wear a tampon. I told my husband, and he said just wait. And if it is, let it be. And I continue to take a rest in a bed for an hour.

And at 6.00 am, I went to the bathroom for the second pee in a morning. I did it default, after washed with water, I continue it with tissue. I saw there's no kind of spot. Even in my tampons. Usually it will flooded fast when in my period.

Until I write this, it's still clean. I choose to take a bedrest regarding my two failure pregnancies seems having a kind of spotting like these too.. could this be a sign? I have a positive feeling now.. Bismillaah.. ♥ 4JJI

Today's period should be coming!

Today is my due date of monthly period.

This is the most stressful phase of the month. In the morning, 4.00 am, I feel my bladder full, so I went to bathroom and decided to do the 2nd pregnancy test. But still, the result still negative.

In fact, I still thinking that I am pregnant referring of symptoms that I had. Yesterday, when I woke up from my noon nap, I feel my stomach cramps. That was the hardest cramp! I barely breath, I should take a long in and out breathing.

I hope only to Allah, I hope this isn't just a chemical pregnancy or a 'stressical' pregnancy. You know what I mean. Symptoms of pregnancy cause of a stressful me. I read that it could be like that.

Whatever it is, I still know that it might be it.

Laa haula wa laa quwwata illa billaah.. ♡♡♡

Hours. 25th Jan 14

07.45 am

Q: what have I experienced when I'm on my way to groceries shopping?

A: I felt a little bit dizzy when my husband drives the car so fast in a toll. And I feel nauseous. Until he dropped me off in the lobby of that market.

10.45 am

Q: what have I experienced when I went to the bathroom and pee?

A: I caught a tiny little white spot in my undies. It's the second time.

16.27 pm

Q: What I have experienced when I open my clothes off before take a bath?

A: I found my areola is getting larger than before. It seems spreading all over my breasts. So do the montgomery's glands.

20.42 pm

Q: what have I experienced in my tummy?

A: cramps.

Could it be a very obvious signs? Wallahu a'lam bishowaab.. but I have faith in Allah..

The test

Its my 3 weeks and 5 days.
Dr. Uf asked me take home pregnancy test on Friday.. but I make it on Saturday morning. Which is today..

I drank a little more often last night before sleep, but I sleep late than usual. 11pm I went to bed and I woke up at 3am because of my bladder. Its 4 hours of sleeping.

My heart beating so quick, I feel nervous about taking the test. But my heart saying that it's still negative because my period still due 2 days ahead. Righteous! The result is negative. I don't wanna regret it and I don't wanna feel so down.

I still can hope for the pregnancy because my period is still on 2 days. I still have sore breasts. But I don't feel nauseous.

I'll just let Allah do the rest.. I know it'll be the best. Aamiin

Update

Today's my 3 and 4 days..
Yesterday I went to visit dr. Uf. I can't wait much longer but my period is still 3 days ahead. Hehehee..

I said much symptoms I experienced. Plus, I had a bad breath on going. Dr. Uf said that it's still a gamble, I could probably pregnant or that could be my PMS.

Dr. Uf had me USG yesterday, he said, "wooow.. dinding rahimnya tebel banget!" With all of his charming way.. he said the thickened uterus lining is common for PMS and so for pregnancy. If it's a symptom for PMS, soon it'll shed away and become the blood of menstruation.

He asked me to take a home pregnancy test this morning, he said that 14 days after the 1st date I have sex, which is 11 january, the HCG appears. So it's not necessary to wait until I am late. By the way, he was so positive that it might be a pregnancy's signs. InsyaAllah, he said.

I decided to take the test tomorrow morning. I'm hoping this is a very good news for me and husband.

Laa haula wa laa quwwata illaa billaah.. ★★★

very sensitive me.

I still don't know whether it is PMS or my another symptom of pregnancy.

but since yesterday, I feels my mood swings so well.
I cried, I feels my mood so down. and also, I seems like I'm getting upset to some people but no reason.
strange, huh?

anyway, today is my 3 weeks & 2 days.
I feels my vagina moist and when I arrive in the office today,
I feel my bladder full, so I went to toilet.
right away, I see some white spot in my undies.
I don't know what it was, but It's rarely happened with me even on my days before period.

Dear Allah, please let me know whether its a pregnancy symptoms or not?

3 weeks and 1 days..

what's the symptoms I have today?

I feel my stomach bloating and it starts to disturb me. also the cramps.
While I'm on my way to the office by TransJakarta bus, (you know, this bus will not slow the speed down even there's a big hole. and there's so many big hole!) while the bus passes the hole, I feel my stomach cramps, like a tiny little needle stab the stomach.

its a very hard raining outside, and I also feels nausea. I don't know is the nausea rise because the cold air or am I pregnant?

lets just pray..

3 weeks going to 4th

Let's just go to the topic..

Today is my 21 days. 3 weeks going 4 weeks.

Yesterday was my 2 weeks and 6 days, I haven't share what I experienced. Usually I pooped everyday morning. But yesterday, I did not. I thought that was constipation. I also felt my breast getting sore, and I see montgomery's what does it says? Yes, that tiny spots in my areola.

Today, I feel cramps, sore breast, nausea and a little bit dizzy.

That's what I have. I'll come back to you tomorrow dear bee.. ;*

Another symptoms in 2 weeks & 5 days

What I feel today;

1. Morning sickness (a little vomit one time)
2. Got headache while on a way, in a car.
3. Diarrhea one time

After I went shopping and visit a new baby born, I decided to visit a doctor's clinic near my house on my way home.

The doctor said that it might be a pregnancy symptoms or it might be not. Because my next period is still 9 days ahead. And so, she said that that was too much gas in my stomach. It would be this and it would be that.

I decided to wait until my next period. She give me 2 kinds of medicine. One for reduce gas and one another is to reduce my sickness.

Whatever it is. Its could be anything. I'll just pray and keep praying..

2 weeks and 4 days

Yes! It's 2 weeks and 4 days.

What I already felt was;

1. In a way to my office this morning, I suddenly felt my stomach bloating and cramping. I barely breathing. My stomach was so full. I should take u turn and go back home I think.

So, there was I. Stop my way to office in pejaten shelter, asked my husband to pick me up. But, surely. I barely breath!

Even in articles I've read, mum to be while in this week suggested to do activities like usual. But as I knew my records, I take it as a permition. I don't wanna take risks.

2. Oya, I felt my lower abdomen in a pain. Sometimes it felt, sometimes it dissapear. I think it's the time of the sperm and the egg runs together in a fallopian tube towards my uterus lining. (That what's I've read!) I hope so.

3. Lazy. But I'll just delete this as a symptom. That is me who had this bad habit. Hehehehee..

That's what I experience in this week. Let's see whats next.. ;)

Journal

This is my 2 weeks and 2 days.. Say I'm so wanting for a baby.

Today is my day off, I am taking my leave for a day. let's do it as a try. I am still in my fertile period until the end of the week.

What I feel in this week that I already have my breasts tender, my stomach bloating and cramps. Also I eat a little bit often. I can't stand laziness and my mood swings very well.

It is not easy to get busy for trying in dates 11, 13, 15 & 17 as my doctor said. We did on 9, 11, 13, 14. My husband barely can border himself for not making love. I believe that when womens are in their fertile day, mans will automatically interacted and feels like he 'wanting' that much.

Whatever it is,
I want it to be success!
Bismillaah yaa Allah..

3 weeks,,

See you again dear Bee..

today is my first day of my 3 weeks of pregnancy. Yes! I may not concieved yet but this week is probably one of my momentous events in my pregnancy. this week the implantation is on going. Once safely implanted, the cells will split for two. One part will become the embryo and another will become the placenta. embryo and uterine will start working together to create the network of blood vessel to supply oxygen and food to the newly forming placenta and the embryo itself.

So, when last Saturday I went to Dr. UF, he asked me to 'work hard' on January 11, 13, 15 and 17 because my fertile days are in that dates. I am really hoping that works are successful in this month, (let's say I am too stressful) because my husband is starting his audit to another city next month. So that I barely hard to do it in my fertile days.

My husband asked me for not too stress in this case. just live it and enjoy every moment that we have. Unless we can have sex a lot and happy. :)

We'll see what's going on next week on my 4th week. I hope this work is success. I really wanted expecting a baby, expecting the moment when I am becoming a Momma; buy cute baby stuffs, rearrange my guest bedroom to be a cute bright fun baby room. Oh God, I really wanted to feel what my friends already has..

:) :) Bismillaah..

Good Morning, Monday!

its a Monday morning, Mamma..

heavy rains attacks Jakarta and surrounded since yesterday..

tomorrow is a holiday for Prophet Muhammad's Birth day. So many people choose to take their leave.

I choose to go to work in this almost feels like Friday day. Yet, the way to go to work today is like a disaster. chaos traffics, water flooded, late bus, make me late. it takes 3 hours for me to get to the office usually I only do 1 1/2 hours.

While I arrived at the office, not only me who gets late because of today's history. My boss's do too.. he departed from Cibubur. Cibubur is near from Jakarta but its located in West Java. he should use tolls everyday to be arrived in our office, in Kuningan, South Jakarta. he took 3 1/2 hours today to be here, and he just arrived while I write this blog.

Whatever it is.. the day must change. So, here we are! arriving late in the office, but the meeting should be started. Happy Monday morning, everyone.. keep the spirits UP!

Seeing Dr. UF

This is my control book. Every patient got it. so far, the hospital service was good. I arrived there at 10.05 am. I went to the admission first asking for my patient new number and at 10.15 am I was called for Dr. Uf. Even the hospital was crowded, the time management of them was good. Dr. UF do too.. he gave info what I need to know. The time is perfect, I went there when I am in my fertile period. So he gave me the date I & Aryo should work hard on. So far, me and my husband was satisfied with the services.

Preface

Hi from early morning in Depok, very near from South Jakarta, Indonesia.

I started creating my blog yesterday afternoon in my office. Suddenly I had a willing to start my own blog. At least it's helpful for myself to have my journal of how to get pregnant.

Yes, this 2014 I and my husband agreed to start our plan for me to get a very 'easy' and a 'safe' pregnancy.

First step I've changed my obgyn to Dr. UF Bagazi in Brawijaya women & children hospital. We will see him today at 10 am.

I have changed my obgyn twice for the last past 2012 & 2013. Both years was a very hard try for me. Been having my 2 failed pregnancies. The first was in october 2012, me and Aryo were so very happy expecting twins. While we saw our obgyn, Dr. Sawitri, in Pondok Indah Hospital, she said it were twins. We're so very shocked & happy.

We had a biweekly check up for 3 months with my other obgyn, Dr. Rudiyanti in  Ramsay Bintaro Premier Hospital (we changed our obgyn because we didn't felt we had enough information from the last doctor). The doctor also wasn't so very communicative about what we were facing. Until in the 3rd month, the doctor said the baby won't survived. Because I had a blighted ovums. The baby slowly disappear. Not growing for it's supposed inch.

shocked! I cried on my way home. My husband did too.. he said he was sorry. We can afford it later. Next week after, I tried to have another opinions. So I went back to my obgyn in Pondok Indah Hospital. She had the same opinion.

A very sad journey but we have to face it. We agreed to have our small surgery with Dr. Sawitri. I chose to did that instead of took pills because it faster than pills. Because I had to go back to work.

That surgery was a new experience for me. My insurance covered it but the condition said that they did not cover the room charge for such surgery. So after hours of healing, we went home. With my condition was still under drugs pressure. I felt like flying. And I ate a lot! Hahahaa there always be the funny part of a hard times. My husband and my sister were laughing all the way we went home because I talked much and you know.. like drunk. Hahaaa..

The 2nd pregnancy was in february 2013. We're not yet had the plan for getting our 2nd chance. But I believe God has it. That was the hardest pregnancy I had. I changed my obgyn to Dr. Karmini but still in Pondok Indah Hospital. She said while I had USG, there's no signs of pregnancies. But I tested it was +. With 3 different merk.

Dr. Karmini said that I should have my biweekly check up. To see how was it grew. Still, we couldn't see my signs of pregnancy until my 7 weeks. The doctor said that if I had such bleeding please refer to emergency.

While I took bedrest for the next check up for the 8th week, in Saturday morning 15th March, I had that such bleeding. Shocked but I know what to do. I asked my maid to packed up my things. I cleaned up the bleeding. I couldn't even remember how it hurt. But it was hurt so very much! I couldn't breath, my stomach cramps. Felt like I'm gonna die.

At the emergency, the doctor refers me to have usg with my obgyn. Dr. Karmini said that was a hard bleeding in my stomach so that I barely could not breath. "Soon you have to search any available surgery room, I'll handle the surgery myself. We should help the mom first", she said.

That was a roller coaster.  My husband cried, family panicked. Mom and Dad was there while I waited for the time of surgery. Sister do too. Even my friends came by.

I did not know that my fallopian tube was damaged, so the ovary torned. So now I just have my one health fallopian and ovary. But I really positive that I will get pregnant. So.. for the mums had such experience, don't be sad. Keep the spirits up and pray!